When did baby ranges become the new celebrity project?
As you read this, Fashion Statement is putting the finishing touches to our second diffusion line (some people call them children, but come now, let's not let semantics get in the way of a good accessory), so we were delighted to hear that Lady Gaga was launching a range of babywear. Sadly, Gaga Goo Goo turned out to be a publicity stunt (who would have though Lady Gaga capable of such things, eh?). And we were so looking forward to the envious glances when little FS turned up to nursery in a bubble-and-Kermit dress. Or head-to-toe bacon.
Alas, it must remain a dream, and FS will have to content itself with picking over the crop of other celebrity baby and child ranges - a fertile, if you will excuse the lame pun, ground for every self-respecting, brand-extending celebrity who has been so clever as to reproduce. First up, there's Katie Price's range, KP Baby. FS would like this a great deal more if it was the other KP, though that would probably have to be a hair grooming range. As it is, it consists of basic baby attire, in any colour as long as it's pink. Yawn. Could she not at least do hair extensions for those tedious early months when baby's head is virtually bald?
Sticking with initials, Mylene Klass of M&S pouting fame has her own range for Mothercare, Baby K, which does sound unfortunately like the codename in a social services case. Cynical old FS must actually admit that the range itself is rather sweet, and has bought in record sales for Mothercare. The same, we suspect, may not be said of Paris Hilton (that well-known maternal figure) and the new range she showed at trade fairs last year (DIY camcorder not included), which seems - inexplicably - to have vanished. Who would have thought that parents of the world wouldn't want to style their kids as mini Paris clones?
Fortunately there is light at the end of the play tunnel: only this week Gwen Stefani announced a partnership with Target to produce a kid's clothing line, Harajuku Mini. Apparently it will be a "playful range of clothing for fashion-forward tots". And what tot these days doesn't read Vogue? FS hopes it includes safe peroxide for the under-twos to emulate Gwen's tresses.
And finally, in a week that must have seen plans for Grazia: The Nursery Years [provisional title: Ank Oo!] gather pace, Zara Philiips unveiled (ahem) a new range of kidswear called ZP 176 Kids. Nippy title, eh? It's a special children's equestrian range (how Katie Price must envy her) with Musto, designed to keep those little riders warm in the winter months. Essential attire, then, for your typical tot.
Meanwhile FS is moved to ponder how long it will be before kids themselves take up the sketching pencil. Where is that promised sunglasses range, Romeo Beckham? How long must we wait for the Suri Cruise, um, cruise collection? We need answers, we need monogrammed babygrows, and we need them now.
Additional research by Lydia Smith
FASHIONISTA OF THE WEEK
Lady Gaga: never knowingly undersold. Photograph: James Devaney/WireImageFS rather admires this level of commitment to a single pattern, last seen by Cruella de Vil in pursuit of all-over dalmatian. It's only a pity that Lady Gaga has accessorised with pearls, rather than actual hound's teeth.
FASHION GRAVEYARD
Models pose. FS is unimpressed. Karl Lagerfeld for Impulse at Macy's. Photograph: Andrew H Walker/Getty ImagesModels, schmodels. Whatever. As pointed out by FS readers (hello Kizbot!), it has been a long while since Karl Lagerfeld grazed FS with his presence. So when FS read the words "Karl Lagerfeld for Impulse" our heart leapt with joy. What more obvious marriage, we thought, than our favourite designer/spouter of pretentious gobbledegook and a cheap, ahem, personal care brand? Imagine our disappointment, then, when we read on and discovered that the Impulse in question is actually a department within Macy's. Boring! Come on Karl, if Diet Coke is good enough for you, then so is Romantic Spark body spray. And while we are at it, last Twitter update April 21? Poor show!
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
I'm a hopeless romantic and passionate person when it comes to love ... It's not that I didn't love myself before. Sometimes we don't realize that we are compromising ourselves. To understand that a person is not good for you, or that that person is not treating you in the right way, or that he is not doing the right thing for himself - if I stay, then I am not doing the right thing for me. I love myself enough to walk away from that now.
Jennifer Lopez has fallen out of love with Him Indoors and in love with her mirror, according to Vanity Fair's interview.
SHOPPING NEWS
Two pieces from the new Matthew Williamson diffusion line at my-wardrobe.comFS favourite my-wardrobe.com is launching Matthew Williamson's debut diffusion line. It's a line, says Williamson, "for having fun in". FS thoroughly approves and thinks all clothes should be made to have fun in. The collection features coats, jewellery, tops, jackets and dresses and prices start at 98.
my-wardobe.com
On the hunt for some lovely, unique jewellery? Check out Kat & Bee. They've just gone live on Asos Marketplace and even have a competition to win a ring worth 180. All you need to do is email katandbeeboutique@gmail.com to enter with ASOS COMP in the subject line.
marketplace.asos.com
Sale alert! And you'll have to be quick off the mark with this one, as it's one day only. Style Mews is holding a 30% off bonanza from their range of unique jewellery, accessories and stationery. Just enter the discount code SUPERSTOAT.
stylemews.com
Got a shopping habit and nowhere to store it? Vault Couture is the solution for you, unless of course you happen to be Carrie Bradshaw. It's a clothing concierge service which gives you storage space and an account and an iPad app to manage it: you can sell, style or just view your wardrobe from anywhere in the world. Then have your clothes delivered to wherever you are. FS, sadly, does not quite have the wardrobe to justify this, but if you make Victoria Beckham look like a capsule wardrobe minimalist, then we suggest you check it out.
vaultcouture.com
OUT AND ABOUT
Serenity now ... Artists impression of Nicole Farhi's lovely new flagship store on Conduit StreetNicole Farhi has a significant birthday coming up - it's their 30th next year. In anticipation of this event, they have moved their flagship store to 25 Conduit Street, London, with a mere 7,000 square feet to showcase their wares. Housing the men's and women's collections, accessories, recently launched eyewear and homeware, the store opens today.
25 Conduit Street, London W1S 2XU, nicolefarhi.com
And another opening for you - Etro has a new boutique just around the corner in Bond Street. To celebrate they have produced two limited-edition pieces: a handbag and a silk scarf, both mixing the union flag with paisley (sounds strange but looks oh-so-good). Only 50 of the scarves and 30 of the bags are available, so hurry if you want to get your piece.
43 Old Bond Street, London W1, opens 6 August
OFFCUTS
Want a heads-up on this autumn's new trends? Check our our digested guide to the September issues of the glossies.
Sali Hughes tackles a big issue in this week's beauty video: hair removal.
Is David Beckham's H&M underwear range the nadir of celebrity design? Hadley Freeman has the answer.
For all the latest fashion news, visit guardian.co.uk/fashion.
News to tell us? Email kate.carter@guardian.co.uk.