"I learned a lot this year. I learned that things don't always turn out the way you planned, or the way you think they should. And I've learned that there are things that go wrong that don't always get fixed or get put back together the way they were before. I've learned that some broken things stay broken, and I've learned that you can get through bad times and keep looking for better ones, as long as you have people who love you."
Lately I've been doing a lot of thinking about relationships. I went back over my past few years and thought about all the guys I've dated, met at a party, or texted late at night. If I think hard, my track record is pretty terrible. God awful, even.
I consider myself to be a good person. Someone who loves with all her heart, and is willing to forgive the flaws that make up people that are rough around the edges. I also consider myself to be a good girlfriend, especially from learning from all of my past mistakes which are far from miniscule. I have now come to realize, after many nights of pining over guy after guy, those men with those big flaws don't deserve a part of my regular dating schedule.
When I think about it even more, and think about my girl friends and their past relationships, I see a trend happening. As college students, and as girls in their late teens and early twenties, we are surrounded by babbling idiots who think more with their smaller head than their bigger one. There are very few guys who are genuinely sweethearts, and they almost always finish last. Yes, there are a bunch of good guys that are in steady relationships but in my past experience, a few drinks or a fight with their girlfriend and some of them might end up straying.
So what is it that attracts us to the assholes? I think it's the danger. The desire to find a messed up guy, fix his flaws and then stride around showing off the fact that we actually switched the jerk into the knight in shining armor. Let me tell you, even though you probably already know, it hardly ever turns out that way. Instead, you have to buy your friend, or yourself, a pint of Ben and Jerry's and rent a really good chick flick and mull over all of the warning signs you didn't see until you were smack dab in the middle of the fire pit and only then realizing you're getting burned.
I am no hero when it comes to relationships and good dating habits. I am prone to find the guy with the smile that makes me forget all my prior relationship pains for the "what ifs" that come along with a new attraction. The first date, the first kiss, and the first time you leave him and you smile all the way home.
Don't get me wrong, there are guys that don't actually mean to be assholes, but end up hurting you anyway. There are warning signs attached to them too, but you think to yourself that because they don't mean it it doesn't really count. Well it does, and even the guys with good intentions can still be wrong for you. Again, in my past experience, I fell head over heels for a guy that I had very little in common with. I was captured by him in an instant, and for months made excuses for him by saying he hadn't committed any crime when it came to our relationship and furthermore that he made me SO happy it didn't matter that we didn't have much in common. I saw the warning signs, but I didn't heed them and in the end, I was left more broken than I had ever expected.
I'm not saying that being single is something we shouldn't strive for. There is a lot of fun that comes along with being single and free of having to care about another person's feelings when you do something idiotic. I'm saying we should, as girls, avoid the traps set out for us at the get-go with 20 something guys that are so attractive. We shouldn't think that being single is us settling, and shouldn't run off into the sunset with any guy that wants to take us out on a date. One act of romanticism hardly calls for thinking he's wonderful or worse, "the one."
Sometimes there are no warning signals, and that's the absolute worst. I recently started to become attracted to someone who was chasing after me so hard that I didn't even stop to think his intentions were anything but good. He seemed mature, able bodied, and on the right path to becoming a real man. But instead, I was blindsided and left dumbfounded as to how this guy who was chasing me suddenly disappeared. Even more so when I realized there was absolutely nothing manly about him, and instead he was a guy with the emotional maturity of a 15 year old boy.
If anything, this year has taught me that no matter what country you are in, guys are all the same. Whether you are in America, England, Scotland, or Australia there will be assholes. I just wish there was a handbook at successfully avoiding them. I know a lot of girls that would line up at the bookstores for it, or buy it on amazon which is far less embarrassing.
Lately I've been doing a lot of thinking about relationships. I went back over my past few years and thought about all the guys I've dated, met at a party, or texted late at night. If I think hard, my track record is pretty terrible. God awful, even.
I consider myself to be a good person. Someone who loves with all her heart, and is willing to forgive the flaws that make up people that are rough around the edges. I also consider myself to be a good girlfriend, especially from learning from all of my past mistakes which are far from miniscule. I have now come to realize, after many nights of pining over guy after guy, those men with those big flaws don't deserve a part of my regular dating schedule.
When I think about it even more, and think about my girl friends and their past relationships, I see a trend happening. As college students, and as girls in their late teens and early twenties, we are surrounded by babbling idiots who think more with their smaller head than their bigger one. There are very few guys who are genuinely sweethearts, and they almost always finish last. Yes, there are a bunch of good guys that are in steady relationships but in my past experience, a few drinks or a fight with their girlfriend and some of them might end up straying.
So what is it that attracts us to the assholes? I think it's the danger. The desire to find a messed up guy, fix his flaws and then stride around showing off the fact that we actually switched the jerk into the knight in shining armor. Let me tell you, even though you probably already know, it hardly ever turns out that way. Instead, you have to buy your friend, or yourself, a pint of Ben and Jerry's and rent a really good chick flick and mull over all of the warning signs you didn't see until you were smack dab in the middle of the fire pit and only then realizing you're getting burned.
I am no hero when it comes to relationships and good dating habits. I am prone to find the guy with the smile that makes me forget all my prior relationship pains for the "what ifs" that come along with a new attraction. The first date, the first kiss, and the first time you leave him and you smile all the way home.
Don't get me wrong, there are guys that don't actually mean to be assholes, but end up hurting you anyway. There are warning signs attached to them too, but you think to yourself that because they don't mean it it doesn't really count. Well it does, and even the guys with good intentions can still be wrong for you. Again, in my past experience, I fell head over heels for a guy that I had very little in common with. I was captured by him in an instant, and for months made excuses for him by saying he hadn't committed any crime when it came to our relationship and furthermore that he made me SO happy it didn't matter that we didn't have much in common. I saw the warning signs, but I didn't heed them and in the end, I was left more broken than I had ever expected.
I'm not saying that being single is something we shouldn't strive for. There is a lot of fun that comes along with being single and free of having to care about another person's feelings when you do something idiotic. I'm saying we should, as girls, avoid the traps set out for us at the get-go with 20 something guys that are so attractive. We shouldn't think that being single is us settling, and shouldn't run off into the sunset with any guy that wants to take us out on a date. One act of romanticism hardly calls for thinking he's wonderful or worse, "the one."
Sometimes there are no warning signals, and that's the absolute worst. I recently started to become attracted to someone who was chasing after me so hard that I didn't even stop to think his intentions were anything but good. He seemed mature, able bodied, and on the right path to becoming a real man. But instead, I was blindsided and left dumbfounded as to how this guy who was chasing me suddenly disappeared. Even more so when I realized there was absolutely nothing manly about him, and instead he was a guy with the emotional maturity of a 15 year old boy.
If anything, this year has taught me that no matter what country you are in, guys are all the same. Whether you are in America, England, Scotland, or Australia there will be assholes. I just wish there was a handbook at successfully avoiding them. I know a lot of girls that would line up at the bookstores for it, or buy it on amazon which is far less embarrassing.